Ann Coulter says that Barack Obama isn’t a Muslim; he’s an atheist. 

How does she know that?  Because Obama is a liberal, and all liberals are atheists.

Glenn Beck says Jim Wallis of Sojourners is a Marxist.  How does he know that?  Because Wallis believes in economic justice, liberation theologians talk about economic justice, and liberation theologians have been influenced by Marxist thought. 

Beck’s real target isn’t Jim Wallis, it’s Barack Obama.  Jim Wallis is Jeremiah Wright and Jeremiah Wright is Barack Obama, hence, the president is a Marxist.

Are Beck and Coulter serious?  Do they believe their own rhetoric?

Yes and no.  Yes, because their most bizarre statements “feel” right.  No, because Beck and Coulter are so concerned about getting the fans on the red side of the stadium cheering and the fans in the blue seats leaping in alarm that they don’t really care about the rightness or wrongness of their statements.  Or, to put it another way, a remark that gets the fans up and hollering is a good statement, and if the fans are sitting on their hands the message needs to be tweaked.

According to the New York Times, Ann Coulter recently shifted in a more gay-friendly direction (conservatives love gays; we just don’t like gay marriage) because she couldn’t compete with conservatives who are even more extreme than she is.  

The culture war is a marketing gimmick designed to keep the contributions rolling in.  It’s like one of those funny mirrors on the circus midway; what you see shouldn’t be mistaken for reality.

Moderates are excluded from the culture war scam.  The debate settles into binary opposites: Multiculturalism vs  “American” culture, pro choice vs pro life, gay rights vs family values, government vs the free market, religious values vs secular values; nationalism vs internationalism; environmentalism vs jobs.   Only those who come down with both feet on one side of the issue are handed a microphone. 

The culture war is primarily a white fight.  People of color (Michael Steele for example) can enter the fray only if they are willing to frame the issues in ways that resonate with white people.   Liberal culture warriors assume that their ideological opposites are all racist fundamentalists for the same reasons conservative culture warriors accuse liberals of being Marxist atheists.  But liberal rhetoric rarely translates into a lively interest in the suffering of people of color.

Criminal justice reform turned out to be a lousy culture war issue; everybody crowded over to the tough-on-crime side of the debate.  White liberals rarely have friends or family members in prison, so the horrors of mass incarceration are considered only in the abstract.  That’s a recipe for ignorance and sentimentality, but it doesn’t generate much practical concern.

Culture warriors are driven by equal measure of hope and fear.  America becomes more ethnically diverse with each passing year.  Liberals hope we are heading for a more tolerant society in which religious, ethnic and racial differences no longer matter.  Conservatives fear the loss of a distinctly American culture.  If our values are no longer shaped by European heritage and the Judeo-Christian tradition, they say, won’t we lose all sense of identity as a nation?  What becomes of the cultural glue that has held us together all these years? 

America is becoming more ethnically and religiously diverse.  Meanwhile, organized religion (even the conservative variety) is in decline.  The number of people who check the “none” box on religious preference polls has been growing apace.  The non-religious are starting to come out of the closet and they make superb culture warriors.  Folks like Sam Harris and Bill Maher blithely accept the proposition that there can only be two answers to the God question: fundamentalist religion and flat-out atheism.  Liberals and conservatives agree that progressive religion is an oxymoron. 

This explains Ann Coulter’s twisted logic.  Barack Obama claims to be a progressive Christian.  Since there can be no such thing, he must be an atheist.  

Let me say it again, most Americans don’t think in binary, either-or terms.  So why are moderates excluded from the political version of fight night?  Simple, we’re boring.  Nuance isn’t sexy.  The culture war has all the subtlety of professional wrestling.  It isn’t politics, it’s political entertainment. 

Culture warriors understand one another.  This explains why a guy like Bill Maher invites Ann Coulter onto his show and why she gladly accepts the invitation.  They both know the way the game is played.  Ann makes outrageous statements; Bill makes cynical quips.  For similar reasons, Mary Matalin and James Carville maintain a happy marriage despite the fact that they live on opposite sides of the culture divide.  Culture warriors aren’t  judged on substance; it’s all about style points.  And Maher’s show is one of the most intelligent opinion programs on television–it’s straight downhill from there.  John Stewart and Stephen Colbert make a healthy living making fun of the culture war; but they can’t enter the ring as actual participants.  If you’re looking for enlightenment, its best to stick to PBS and the history channel. 

Better yet, just flip the set off altogether.

But we’re not looking for enlightenment, are we?  No, we’re looking for entertainment and the culture warriors know how to deliver.  

Like I say, the culture war is a marketing gimmick that works for those who can abide its simplistic and highly restrictive rules.  Christine O’Donnell makes a perfect culture warrior.  Like Glenn Beck, she is just dumb enough to deliver her lines with unfeigned sincerity.  Christine has been trying to pimp the culture war for decades and she finally hit the bigtime.  Millions of dollars are pouring into her campaign. 

And this explains the allure of the culture war–it generates contributions.  So long as your issue is on the culture war list, you just stake out a position, find yourself a villain, and you’re in business.

Unfortunately, if your issue demands careful analysis, fine distinctions and genuine argument you’re out of luck.  You can’t come to grips with mass incarceration, for instance, unless you see the world through the eyes of a poor black guy from a bad neighborhood. 

But the culture war is more than a marketing scheme; it’s also distracts us from the questions no one can answer?  Can the steadily expanding wealth that has marked the last half century be sustained?  Will I be able to maintain a middle class income?  Will I have a pension or a social security check when I retire?  Will the steady drain of good paying jobs continue?  Will America be able to maintain her status as the world’s only superpower without bankrupting ourselves?  And if the answer to these question is negative, how are we going to finance our wars on drugs, crime and terror? 

So long as the cannons of the culture war keep firing we can’t build a “common peace” consensus.